Apologies for not posting for a few days - been a bit of a hectic one. Went down to Bath for a Hen weekend on Saturday which was all good. Managed to blag 1st class on the way down there so travelled in true style. This was after a bit of a delay at our departure station when the girl that was organising the weekend managed to leave her handbag on the platform in the rush to get on the train!!! It only delayed us by half an hour but meant that we had to back track our steps - dizzy!
Mum called up early Sunday morning - was absolutely shattered from only getting a few hours sleep as our Travelodge (and take note if thinking of staying in Bath Travelodge) is above not 1 but 2 nightclubs!!! I couldnt sleep for toffee. But glad she called - my dad was rushed into hospital on Saturday morning with chest pains. Was very upset that she didnt call me sooner but she didnt want to ruin my weekend and there was nothing that I could have done anyway. So as soon as I got back on Sunday evening I was up that hospital visiting him.
We have been up there eversince and yesterday I thought he was getting better. He was scheduled to have an angiogram today - which he had - but I presumed that they would find the problem and just fix it. Well they cant - he has to be moved to the Brompton Hospital in London to have bypass surgery. I am glad that they have caught it before he had a serious heart attack but very very worried about him. I am a very emotional person and it breaks my heart to see him so poorly. Mum wont have anyone staying at the house with her either, i have offered every night but she wont have it - pride i suppose. We will hopefully find out tomorrow when they are going to move him - gonna be difficult for mum to get to see him up there but we will manage.
Suppose this should shock me into losing weight - although my dad is stick thin, obesity is 1 of the major causes of this. At the moment I am too worried to eat which isnt helping! Wish you better Daddy x
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Thursday, 7 February 2008
Reflection
You know how anorexics supposedly look in a mirror and see nothing but fat well I think that I am the complete opposite to that in that when I look in a mirror I dont think that I am that large, I don't think that I am thin but not too bad - but when I am caught unawares by my reflection it shocks the bejesus out of me!!! Take spinning tonight for example - was happily (well I might have been grimacing a bit!) pedalling away when I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the window...OMG!!!! I don't think that I am ever going to conquer this size problem.
Whilst on the subject of spinning, I know that I harp on about it quite a bit but I love it. Never thought that I would be this passionate about exercise! I started last August and have been going on average 3 times a week since then. Its not easy believe me but I like how you can control how hard or easy you make it. The only hindrance that I have is my gigantic wangers and humongus belly!!! My knees knock on my belly when I am sprinting and my boobs wobble so much that even the most supportive bra that money can buy, short of strapping them down with bandages, cant stop them swinging around! I cant win. I will keep at it though as I really do enjoy it.
Work has been okay this week, have been kept quite busy with various projects. I wont deny that I have found work really challenging of late. I moved into my present team last April after doing shift work for 3 years. Shift work just became too mundance and I couldn't see myself progressing in anyway in that role so I moved onto the Storage team. I really enjoyed it in the beginning, something to get my teeth into but recently I have felt like an outkast...not really sure why. I know 1 of my faults is that if I am not happy about something I make it clear that I am not happy and I dont think that they like this which is understandable I suppose. I also like to get involved with problems and situations that are going on - dont think that they like this either!!! I just want to expand my knowledge base and skills - how am I going to do that if I dont ask questions. There have been a few discussions recently about where everyone should sit in the team and to say that this has caused some conflicts would be an understatement! But I am past caring now - what does it matter where everyone sits. The only thing that annoys me is how, being he newest member of the team, my opinion counts for nothing and until someone else joins the team below me this will always be the case. Certain members of the team, and by no means all members, treat me like their lacky - doleing out jobs that they dont want to do... the uninteresting stuff, so that they can be free to concentrate on the interesting stuff that comes in!! It is not as if I am sitting back and letting this happen, I aired my opinions on this in my recent review - for all the good it will do. And 1 last thing on the subject of work - can you believe that they gave someone that has been off work long term (over a couple of years on and off) sick with stress a payrise but I didnt get one! How does that work??
Whilst on the subject of spinning, I know that I harp on about it quite a bit but I love it. Never thought that I would be this passionate about exercise! I started last August and have been going on average 3 times a week since then. Its not easy believe me but I like how you can control how hard or easy you make it. The only hindrance that I have is my gigantic wangers and humongus belly!!! My knees knock on my belly when I am sprinting and my boobs wobble so much that even the most supportive bra that money can buy, short of strapping them down with bandages, cant stop them swinging around! I cant win. I will keep at it though as I really do enjoy it.
Work has been okay this week, have been kept quite busy with various projects. I wont deny that I have found work really challenging of late. I moved into my present team last April after doing shift work for 3 years. Shift work just became too mundance and I couldn't see myself progressing in anyway in that role so I moved onto the Storage team. I really enjoyed it in the beginning, something to get my teeth into but recently I have felt like an outkast...not really sure why. I know 1 of my faults is that if I am not happy about something I make it clear that I am not happy and I dont think that they like this which is understandable I suppose. I also like to get involved with problems and situations that are going on - dont think that they like this either!!! I just want to expand my knowledge base and skills - how am I going to do that if I dont ask questions. There have been a few discussions recently about where everyone should sit in the team and to say that this has caused some conflicts would be an understatement! But I am past caring now - what does it matter where everyone sits. The only thing that annoys me is how, being he newest member of the team, my opinion counts for nothing and until someone else joins the team below me this will always be the case. Certain members of the team, and by no means all members, treat me like their lacky - doleing out jobs that they dont want to do... the uninteresting stuff, so that they can be free to concentrate on the interesting stuff that comes in!! It is not as if I am sitting back and letting this happen, I aired my opinions on this in my recent review - for all the good it will do. And 1 last thing on the subject of work - can you believe that they gave someone that has been off work long term (over a couple of years on and off) sick with stress a payrise but I didnt get one! How does that work??
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
AARRRGGGHHH
I started back on WeightWatchers yesterday (yep another Monday, another attempt!) which I was hoping that I wouldn't have to do with doing the hypnotherapy and all but I just don't know how not to diet! Taking every day as it comes and the day went pretty well until I got home and was famished - and ate 3 slices of Soda bread with peanut butter! AARRRRGGGGHHH! But I did manage to go Spinning so not all bad - I figure if I can really conquer that demon then hopefully the weight will start falling off me. Pancake day tomorrow - how am I gonna get through that??? Just dont cook any I hear you say but there is also my youngest niece's birthday cake to get past! I will cope - just a wee slice....
Sunday, 3 February 2008
Self Sabotage!
So how does everyone else cope with not having any willpower and dissolving at the first sign of hunger? I am trying hypnotherapy because I thought it would help me with my willpower and my cravings but I am not so sure now. The technique behind it is to visualise yourself how you want to be at any opportunity that you can but it has been so long since i was in that place that I find it really really hard to imagine it - virutally impossible! So any suggestions on how a girl is meant to acheive this? It is my 4th session on Tuesday and I dont want to go in there again without having lost any weight. I just cant stop myself - I even ordered pizza last night, why?? I didn't need it, I could have russelled something up out of the cupboard, and it wasn't just pizza - it was garlic bread and chicken wings to accompany it. Its self destruction, thats what it is!
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